A blonde was telling a priest a Pollock
joke, when halfway through the priest interrupts her, "Don't you
know I'm Polish?" "Oh, I'm sorry," the
blonde apologizes, "do you want me to start over and talk slower?"
A blonde goes by an eletronic
store when she notices a TV in the front window. She needed a new TV, it
had lots of buttons, looked nice and was selling for $216. So she goes
in and asked for the TV in the front window but the salesman said "Sorry,
we don't sell to blondes." So she just stormed out. She really wanted this
TV so overnight, she dyed her hair red. She came in and asked for the TV
in the front window. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes." By this time
she was desperate so she goes home and shaves off her hair. She goes in
and asks
for the TV in the front window but the
salesman just goes, 'We don't sell to blondes.' 'How do you know I'm a
blonde. I dyed my hair red, and then I
even shaved it off, and you still know I'm a blonde. HOW?" "There are
only microwaves in the front window."
Three blondes were walking
through the desert when they found a magic genie's lamp. They released
the
genie and he told them, "I will grant three
wishes, one for each of you." The first said, "I wish I were
smarter". So she became a redhead. The
second blonde said "I wish I were smarter than her." She became a
brunette. The third blond said "I wish
I were smarter than both of them." So she became a man.
Confucious say: blonde who fly upside down have crack up.
At a carwash in Burbank,
there were two identical Hondas coming out at the same time. A beautiful
blond
woman jumps into one and takes off, leaving
its owner rather perplexed. About three minutes later, she
reappears at the car wash yelling, "who
ripped off my car phone!"
Last night I went home to my blonde girlfriend, and told her I was going to screw her brains out. Then I realized I was too late.
A blonde is suffering from a sore throat so she goes to see the doctor. She explains the problem to the doctor who asks her to sit down. He gets out his light and says, "Open wide". "I can't," replies the blonde, "the chair's fitted with arms."
A blonde friend of mine was looking for some transportation, so I bought her a Woody. I called her up later and asked how she like it. She told me it was OK, but that it didn't look so good once she had taken it out of the crate.
A blonde goes into
the drug store to buy some rubbers (so she can practice safe sex). She
walks up to the
pharmicist and asks "How much for a box
of rubbers?" "They're $1 for a box of 3," he replied, "Plus 6 cents for
the tax." "Oh," said the blonde, "I wondered how they kept them on."
Two guys walk into a
bar. The first guy says, "Hey check out the blond over there. I bet she's
really hot in bed!" He procedes to go over and makes small talk with her.
Before long they both leave for a one nighter. The next day, the second
guy goes over to the same blond, pinches her in the rear and were off for
a quickie. Fifteen minutes later, the second guy comes back and compares
notes with the first guy. The first guy says, "I think my wife is better."
The second guys nods his head and says, "Yeh, your wife is better too!"
Another blonde,
another store. She goes over to the deodorant display and tells the clerk
"I need to buy some deodorant for my husband." "Does he use the ball kind?"
inquired the clerk. "No," replied the blonde,
"The kind for under his arms."
This guy
just started at his new job, working at a porno shop. His boss comes out
and tells him that he has
to leave for a while, and "can you handle
it? "The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss's
positive comments he finally agrees. So,
the guy is there by himself for a little while and a white woman comes
in. She asks, "How much for the white dildo?" He answers, "$35." She: "How
much for the black one?" He: "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white
one." She: "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one
before." She pays him, and off she goes. A little bit later a black woman
comes in and asks "How much for the black dildo?" He says, "$35." Then
she said, "How much for the white one?" He: "$35 for the white one, $35
for the black one." She: "Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one. I've
never had a white one before..." She pays him, and off she goes. About
an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How much are your
dildos?" He: "$35 for the white, $35 for the black." She: mm....how much
is that plaid one on the shelf?" He: "Well, that's a very special dildo...it'll
cost you $165." She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the plaid
one, I've never had a plaid one before...." She pays him, and off she goes.
Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was gone?"
To which the saleman responded, "I did really good, I sold one white dildo,
one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!"
After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with a blonde he had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some food to replenish his just-spent energy. He pours himself a glass of milk and right before drinking it, he realizes his manhood is still pretty hot, so he sticks it in the glass to cool it off. Just then the blonde walks in and says, "Oh, I always wondered how you refilled those."
A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively, "How do you give shoulders?"
Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license? "Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"
There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio. The announcer was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was mad enough she turned her radio off. A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing. The blonde stopped her car jumped out and yelled, "You bimbo, it's blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"
A dumb blonde
was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals. She proudly said,"
go ahead, ask
me, I know all of them." A red head said,
"O.K., what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replied, "Oh,
that's easy, 'W'."
A blonde
was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead.
Suddenly, the bird
drops a load when it was directly over
her. The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that
would've hit me right in the face!!!"