How do you keep a blonde in suspense? Ill tell you tomorrow.

I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting. She told me she didn't know how to cook them.

This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that
if you pull your finger out, I'll sink?"

A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said,
"Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test." "Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not
to worry he'd make it easy. "Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter. The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes
and said "Andy!" "That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint Peter. Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me..."

A blonde's response to the comment, "THINK about it!": "I don't have to think -- I'm blonde!"

A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun - they just don't remember who with.

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?" "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.

    Did you hear about the blonde who: had more on her body than on her mind?
                                                                    was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean?
                                                                    took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
                                                                    got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?
                                                                    was an M.D. - Mentally Deficient?
                                                                    had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs?
                                                                    thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
                                                                    was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn't have a crazy cat?
                                                                    after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?
                                                                    went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?
                                                                    brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?

Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger:
Blonde1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked! Blonde2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its
starting to rain and the top is down!

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender: Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What is a B and C?". Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke." Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?" Redhead: "Gin and tonic." Blonde: "I'll have a 15." Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"

Two brunettes and a blonde are in the hospital awaiting the arrival of their first children. The 1st brunette
says, "I just know I'm going to have a girl, 'cuz I conceived while I was on my back". The 2nd brunette
says, "Mine's going to be a boy, 'cuz I was on top during conception". The blonde says, "Uh-oh! I'm going to
have a puppy!"

Blondes... They take a lickin', and keep on... Lickin!

Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles" referred to her ears?

A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND
LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home.

A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead
birdie". The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"

A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street. Cop: Do you know where you were going? Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people were leaving.

A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway. "Miss, may I see your driver's licence?" "Driver's licence? What's that?..." "It's a little card with your picture on it." "Oh, duh! Here it is..." "May I have your car insurance?" "What's that?..." "It's a document that says you are allowed to drive the car." "Oh this? Duh! Here you go..." The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the blonde exclaims: "Oh no, not another breathalyzer test!"

Hubby: As a start I think you should learn to "iron", then we could do without the ironing lady. Blonde Wife: Well, if you would learn to fuck me properly we could do without the gardener!

A blonde walked into a hair salon and sat into the barber´s chair. The barber noticed that she had
headphones on her head. The barber asked the blonde what kind of haircut she wanted. She didn´t reply, so
the barber asked again. Again no reply. Then he was getting very annoyed so he took off her headphones.
Suddenly she turned blue and fell on the floor. He checked her pulse and she was dead. He was wondering what was in her headphones so he put them on. He heard: " Inhale, Exhale, Inhale, Exhale...

Two blondes were going to Disney World and they saw a sign that said Disney World LEFT so the turned
and went home!

A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends: Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a
row! Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred. Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that
good. Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.

Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911: Blonde: We need help.
We're three blondes changing a light bulb. Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb? Blonde: Yes.
Operator: And the switch is on? Blonde: Yes, yes. Operator: And the bulb still won't light up? Blonde: No, it's
working fine. Operator: Then what's the problem? Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves.

What is brown, black and blue was found lying in a ditch? The last brunette that told a blonde joke in front of a blonde.

Blondes take everything literally. My sister is a blonde. There was this movie she wanted to see real bad and she left with her ticket in hand to go see it,but I was suprized to see her return home in only 15 minutes. "I thought you really wanted to see that movie, what happened?",I asked. "I did",she said sadly, "but, when I got there I saw a sign that said, under 18 not admitted and I couldn't find 18 people to go see it with me."

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.

Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.? Blonde: I don't know. Why? Teller: It was easier to spell. Blonde:
Easier than what?

Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.

Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer
tracks." The other blonde looks and says "Those arn't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are
deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, about half hour later they were both killed by a train.

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are in the obstetrician's office. The redhead and the brunette are talking. I understand that the position you are in at the time of conception helps determine the sex of the baby says the brunette. I was on top, so I'm going to have a little boy. Oh says the redhead, I was on the bottom, so I must be having a little girl. The blonde bursts into tears. What's wrong the redhead and brunette ask. OOOHHH says the blonde, I'M GOING TO HAVE PUPPIES!